


if not for me, then you

by Horanghay



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hand Jobs, I hate jeonghan's hands i will never say a kind word about them, M/M, Oral Sex, Vaguely unrequited love, happy birthday jeonghan i wrote about you having sad sex with your friend hope you like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:22:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26889577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Horanghay/pseuds/Horanghay
Summary: Jeonghan's birthday starts with a melancholy he can't quite shake.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	if not for me, then you

**Author's Note:**

> This was intended for Jeonghan's birthday, then I had [ANXIETY] for like a week and now we're here. This was spurred by a conversation about how much Jeonghan gets out of his newfound closeness with Hoshi.

The thing about living with twelve other men is that, almost always, somebody else is lonely. Jeonghan seeks it out like a drug dog, offers himself as a comfort. Usually an ear, sometimes a shoulder. Others involve more illicit comfort, a couple of nights cuddled between sheets or hurried handjobs in corners. He's always been available, always been a beacon of comfort in the dark seas. Over the years he’s been a refuge, a safe place who only gives what you want. And it usually lasts for a few days, maybe a couple weeks at most. Usually.

He's not surprised to have Soonyoung in his bed when he wakes at 12:03 on his birthday. These past months, it's normal. (They don't use Soonyoung's room because he got cum on a tiger pillow once and Soonyoung pouted for three days until Jeonghan let himself be fucked by way of apology). Usually, though, it's in the form of a lightly snoring form with cold feet pressed against his calves and a hand tucked into Jeonghan's waistband to keep him there. Waking from sleep with Soonyoung between his knees, nosing against his dick over his sleep pants, is new. Not unwelcome, but a true birthday surprise.

"Come here often?" Jeonghan asks, voice cracked with sleep. He's warm from the spontaneous nap (phone still glowing blue mid-game), comfortable to his bones. Interest stirs in his gut, and the soft expression Soonyoung blinks up at him helps it along. He feels greasy, like this, taking and taking Soonyoung's love while knowing he isn't the only one who will be in Jeonghan's bed tonight. That somebody else will be wishing him happy birthday with their body.

"Not as often as I want," Soonyoung says, his lopsided smile emblazoned on the back of Jeonghan's eyes even though he can barely make it out here, in the dark. Jeonghan hums in response, cards his fingers through Soonyoung's hair as he presses kisses to his hips, lowers the soft flannel of his pajama bottoms. 

When Soonyoung finally takes him into his mouth, still a little soft, Jeonghan hisses at the contact of bright teeth, still new in his mouth, still weird to run his tongue over their perfect edges.

Soonyoung starts slow, purposefully, in a way that Jeonghan never would have thought he'd have the patience for. Soonyoung likes the idea of blowjobs more than giving them, gets too worked up too quickly and ends up humping against Jeonghan's leg and using his hand instead. But he keeps a drawling, steady pace and it's intimate in a way that strikes a chord in Jeonghan, catches his breath in his throat and has him burying his hands in Soonyoung's crispy blonde hair, hips rolling up in increments as he forgets to breathe and Soonyoung doesn't.

Unusually, Jeonghan gets impatient first. His hands push insistently at Soonyoung's scalp, gripping fragile strands in a way that has to hurt as he rocks his hips, pushing his way further into Soonyoung's impossibly soft mouth. Dutifully, Soonyoung swallows him down as far as he can go.

It's not enough. Not for Jeonghan, at least, who takes what he wants as he fucks into Soonyoung's throat, the soft hands grasping desperately at Jeonghan's thighs in direct opposition to the moans he feels against his cock and the desperately shuffling of Soonyoung seeking out the meagre friction of sheets beneath his own body. Jeonghan knows he asks a lot, sometimes. When he gives and gives so much of his own, he can't help but be a little mean in all the soft spaces Soonyoung has built around them.

He knows he can do whatever he wants to Soonyoung, that he’ll soak it up like a sponge, let Jeonghan push until he collapses. Or chokes. And then past that, for a moment, before Jeonghan pulls Soonyoung off his cock for a breath. The immediate slurp is gross, and oddly endearing. Even as he's catching his breath Soonyoung mouths at the head of Jeonghan's cock, one hand stroking in tandem with their heavy breaths.

"Will you marry me, Yoon Jeonghan?" he asks, face tilted up with honest eyes even as his hand jerks Jeonghan's cock, lips shiny with saliva and precum. Jeonghan knows he can't indulge it, can't give into the illusion that this is anything more than a fleeting comfort. Even now, Soonyoung is not the only one he touches at night. It's dangerous, with Soonyoung. How he likes to kidnap Bookkeu, curled up on the bed between them, calls him ‘our son’ between them. He's fragile in a way none of them noticed until the weverse meltdown, and Jeonghan doesn't coddle him, but plays into it. It usually revolves around innocent things like his tiger fursona but this is a dark forest and Jeonghan might as well be wearing a red cape. But today is his birthday, so he can play pretend, too.

"Are you gonna make me an honest man, Kwon Soonyoung," he wants to ask, tease, fall for humor instead of sincerity. Instead he pulls Soonyoung up, up, for a kiss Soonyoung reads as confirmation. Hurries to take off his ring, wiggles it around his pinky (tight, from the two years it's settled into his skin, barely nudging past his knuckle bone). His touch is gentle, shaky, trembling with nerves too real for just past midnight between his lover's thighs. Soonyoung works the ring onto Jeonghan’s finger, scuffs it past the first knuckle, leaving it red from friction.

Jeonghan slips his own ring onto Soonyoung's stubby finger, notes (and remembers to throw it out later) how it slides home without resistance. His hands look rough in Soonyoung's, bent angles against soft curves. One finger naked, the other heavy.

Jeonghan knows in five, ten years they'll be a different picture. He'll have a wife, maybe a kid. They won't spend nights huddled under blankets for a semblance of comfort, but instead dinners every few months. Maybe a phone call. He's known this since he was 16 years old kissing boys in their old dorm. Since he was 19, holding a crying Seungcheol for their first time. Knows it now, accepting a marriage proposal he'll never be able to fulfill but can’t deny the moon-eyed boy held in his hands.

"Kiss me," he says, and Soonyoung scrambles, presses their slick mouths together in a messy slide. A quick hand snaps the hem of Soonyoung’s shorts, stretches the elastic out and down until Soonyoung’s cock slaps wetly against his stomach, already leaking from excitement. Jeonghan spreads the spit from his own cock against the other and takes both of them in a gnarled hand. Soonyoung's hand is tight on his hip, keening into his ear at the pressure. Jeonghan tucks his face into the crook of his neck, presses gentle kisses to his soft skin. Mouths things he can never say even here, when Soonyoung is lost to his own pleasure, rutting into his hand and panting heavy in his ear.

Desperate whimpers and insistent scrabbling of feet are the only warning Jeonghan gets before Soonyoung comes over his hand. Jeonghan follows gracefully with a quiet gasp, Soonyoung trembling through aftershocks against him.

"I love you," one of them says, and the other kisses it back inside, won't let the words leave the space between them.

**Author's Note:**

> [ twt ](https://twitter.com/whoreanghay) | [ cc ](https://curiouscat.qa/horanghay)


End file.
